I Want to Marry Someone Who Only Sees Me as a Friend. What Do I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam alaykum,

I’ve been in love with a man for the past seven years, but he tells me that he can only see me as a friend. I want to marry him, and have read duas for it, but it is not working. What do I do?

Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you.

Dua

Abu Huraira narrated that the Prophet, upon him be blessings and peace, said: “One of you will be responded to, so long as he is not hasty, saying: ‘I supplicated, and I was not responded to.’” [Tirmidhi]

Dear sister, I am sorry that you are in a state of unrequited love. Trials of the heart can feel almost impossible to bear. Despite this, please have the courage to be honest with yourself. If a man wants to marry you, then he would not delay. He has already made it clear that he does not want to marry you, because he sees you as a friend. This does not mean that there is anything wrong with you—this is simply a matter of hearts.

Allah hears your dua, and He answers in the way that He chooses. Please remember that He loves you, and wants everlasting good for you. Perhaps this man you love will make a poor husband, or will hurt you in some way. Allah knows best.

Moving forward

It was narrated from Ibn Abbas that the Messenger of Allah, upon him be blessings and peace, said: “There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]

Please wake up 15 minutes before the entry of Fajr, and perform the Prayer of Need. Beg Allah to help heal your heartbreak.

I encourage you to distance yourself from this man, and make dua for Allah to mend your heart. Let go of him, and hold onto Allah. Save your heart for your husband. Please don’t waste anymore of your life on a man who cannot give you what you are looking for.

Marriage

I encourage you to enroll in and complete this course: Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages. Please learn about the spirit and law behind a successful Islamic marriage, the qualities you need to look for in a husband, and the qualities you need to develop in yourself. A successful Islamic marriage needs so much more than love.

Please listen to podcasts such as Content of Character and Islam For Life to inspire you, and to help you nourish your connection to Allah.

I pray that Allah blesses you with a tranquil marriage to a man who loves, cherishes and honors you.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

Wassalam,

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.