How to Deal With Overbearing Parents Who Want Control of My Money

Answered by Shaykh Rami Nsour

Question: Salam,

I live with my parents. They have always been strict and very difficult to deal with. I am losing patience to a point where I wish to ignore my parents and avoid them. They demand money from me. They want control of all my money. I used to give them money before I started graduate school, but explained to them it is difficult to give them money now and otherwise I will be forced to take interest loans. They say they don’t care and they want me to take interest loans so I can give them money. I help with expenses and help with other things but they strictly want cash from me. They are not poor but they still demand money. They are very upset with me when I don’t give money to a point where they verbally abuse me and make me feel like I am a horrible daughter. I have always been obedient.  Most of my issues have started since I began working. They believe I am hiding money for some reason and lying that I need money to pay school.

I am not sure what to do, please advise.

Answer: May Allah give you patience to deal with this difficult situation. Always remember that you have rights and your parents have rights. You have to be patient while to trying to make sure that you fulfill their rights without angering them unnecessarily while at the same time not compromising your rights.

If a parent does not have wealth and is unable to work, it is the duty of the children to financially support the parents. This financial support is whatever is within reasonable means of the child or children. If the parents are at a financial state that is reasonable for them, the child is not obligated to give them financial support.

If a child wants to give anything extra to the parents, that would be a great charity containing a lot of reward. If the child does not have any money, then he or she would not have to do anything prohibited to get that money. Taking on interest bearing loans would be a major prohibited act (kabira) thus you would not have to do that to get money for your parents.

In all your dealings with your parents, uphold the best character even if they are angry with you. Your reward will be with Allah.

[Mawlud, The Rights of Parents]

I encourage you to take the following course on The Rights of Parents: The Rights of Parents

And also review some of our answers to people in situations similar to yours:

Interest, Parents, & Upholding Good Character 

Dealing With a Dysfunctional Relationship With Parents

Advising My Father to Keep a Beard