How Should I Engage with Opposite Gender on Social Media?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am 20 years old and I have fallen in love with a boy on social media and I really want to marry him. He tells me that he has feelings for me too but he doesn’t want to fall in love right now because his mother would not approve, so he stays away from me. He prays and has good character. 

I have deleted him from all of my apps and accounts but I can’t get him out of my mind. I cry for him daily, I need him.

Answer

Thank you for your question.

Gender Interaction

This young man is correct for cutting you off and not leading you on. He honestly told you that he cannot marry for love right now and he is protecting himself and you. He is keeping within the limits of Islam and I pray that Allah gives him a great reward.

I also commend you for deleting him from your accounts and not pursuing communication with him, as he wishes it be. May Allah reward you both for fearing Him and not wasting each other’s time.

Options

There are only two options. You can either wait for him to propose, which may never happen, or you can forget about him and move on.

I don’t recommend the first option because you may have your hopes dashed and your heart broken. He has not made any promises, as he should not, and only an engagement can guarantee your future. If he has not proposed yet, he probably will not.

The second option, albeit more painful, is the smarter way to go. Time will heal your pain and you will find someone that is suitable for you and who is willing to ask for your hand in marriage and proceed without delay, by the grace of Allah.

That is what you deserve. It doesn’t help to communicate with someone who can’t promise anything. I see this as a waste of time from the start.

Turn to Allah

Ask Allah to help you through this by praying tahajjud and the Prayer of Need, praying your prayers on time, and keeping away from the haram. Be careful with your gender interactions in the future. You should not begin to talk to anyone who is not talking to your marriage. May Allah make your affairs easy for you and guide you to what is best for you deen and dunya.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad 
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.