How Should I Deal With A Broken-Hearted Suitor?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am getting to know a suitor who was previously engaged to someone, but she died in 2017. He said he still loves her a lot and needs time to work through his feelings. I am maintaining my distance in accordance with Islamic principles. He is a nice guy and has good Islam, comes from a good household, and made his intentions towards me.
Could you advise me from an Islamic perspective on what he could do to overcome his grief? Can you offer any other advice for this situation? I have been praying istikhara but I don’t want to be in this process with someone who is not 100% there.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I am pleased to hear that you have found a good suitor that is suitable for you. It must be very difficult, however, to see that his heart is still broken, but know that it can and will be mended, by the grace of Allah.
Please see this link about dealing with the death of a loved one:
How Do We Deal With the Death of a Loved One?
Recommend to your suitor to read this article:
Honestly, this sounds like the right person for you and you should not walk away just because you feel that he is not 100% there. Will he always carry a piece of her in his heart? Yes. Does that mean that he can’t have a loving family with you that he is devoted to? No.
It is completely normal to feel a little jealous over one’s late beloved, for even the Mother of Believers, `Aisha, whose superiority over all women was mentioned by the Prophet, said, “I was not jealous of any wife of the Prophet as I was jealous of Khadijah, and it was not because I saw her. It was only because the Messenger of Allah mentioned her so much, and because whenever he would slaughter a sheep, he would look for Khadijah’s friends to gift them some of it.“ [Tirmidhi]
Give him the time he needs to work through his feelings, and never, ever anger at him for mentioning her. With time, with children, and with happiness with you, his grief will reduce. Either way, he will be “all“ there for you, in sha Allah. Don’t try to judge his heart, for that is Allah’s job, but just look at his deeds toward you.
May Allah bless your union and give you tawfiq.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
