How Do I Tell My Parents That I Am Not Ready For Marriage?
Question: I am a 24-year-old girl living in Nepal. I am about to finish my graduation, and I am planning to get a job here. My parents are from Bangladesh, and they keep talking to me about marriage. Right now I do not want to get married, but they are saying as a Muslim girl that you either get married or live with your parents. I am a minimalist, and I am very happy where I am right now. How can I tell them that I will get married, but it will take 3 years for me to even consider it?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. The best thing between any parent and child is open and honest communication. In the long run, this is always the best course of action.
Disparity
There is a disparity in values and priorities between you and your parents, and they do not realize it is there. You should make it clear to them that you have put some effort into your career and you would like to see it materialize before considering a man. This will probably hurt their feelings, but you should explain to them how you made your decision and gently help them understand.
Istikhara
You might find after a lengthy discussion with your parents that you are not sure what to do about the issue of marriage. Please make istikhara your best friend, and pray it to ask Allah to guide you as to the timing of it all and eventually whom to marry. Please see this link and pray istikhara with all its etiquettes:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/hanafi-fiqh/istikhara-the-prayer-of-seeking-guidance/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/articles/general-artices/the-reality-of-istikhara/
My Advice
My honest and sincere advice to you is to consider marriage now. You are still young, and marriages at a young age tend to give a couple a better chance to bond and grow together. I have seen more than one girl reach her thirties and find that she is unwilling to be flexible for her husband.
Discuss With Your Prospective Suitor
If you feel that you have found the right man, discuss your career plans with him. You should both agree that he supports you in pursuing your career and that you will have a chance to enjoy life with him before you have children. This point can even be included in the marriage contract. Women generally do well biologically to have most of their children before the age of 35, so you should take steps now, and Allah knows best.
Please see these links as well:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/after-marriage-can-a-woman-continue-her-education-and-pursue-a-career/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/can-muslim-woman-career-video/
May Allah give you the best in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
