How Do I Stop My Husband from Watching Pornography and Masturbating?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question

How does one stop one’s husband from looking at porn and from masturbation? Is it permissible for a married man to do this?

Answer

I pray this finds you well.
Pornography and masturbation are both impermissible for any Muslim, male or female, married or unmarried.
Unfortunately, there is no lasting way for you to stop your husband from doing this. He must motivate himself to stop.

Deeper Issues

Pornography addiction is often a symptom of a deeper spiritual and emotional imbalance. In addition to encouraging your husband to repent and heal his relationship with Allah, it would be useful for him to see a counsellor to assist him to break his addiction.

Marriage Counselling

Discovering that your husband watches pornography can be very wounding to your marriage. Rather than trap yourselves in a cycle of anger, contempt, blame and resentment, remember to take regular breaks from this stressor. Remind each other about why you both got married in the first place. Build more happy memories. If necessary, seek help from a kind and qualified marriage counselor.

Self-Care

Our Beloved Messenger (peace and blessings upon him) conveyed the following from Allah most High, “When My servant draws near to Me a handspan, I draw near to Him a forearm’s length. And when he draws near to Me a forearm’s length, I draw near to him the span of two outstretched arms. And when comes to me walking, I come to Him running” [Bukhari].
Remember to also turn to Allah for guidance and healing during this time. Allah is the Turner of Hearts, so do not despair in His Mercy and His ability to heal your husband.

Be careful not to fall into the trap of self-blame. Your husband is an adult with free will, and inshaAllah he will choose the path of tawba. All you can do is model good behavior, good character, and compassion to yourself and others, especially your husband. Nurture your own relationship with Allah and surrender control to Him.
I pray that Allah showers His blessings upon you and your husband, and reunites you both in Jannat al-Firdaws.

Please refer to the following links:
My father watches pornography, what shall I do?
A reader on pornography and masturbation
A reader on repentance

[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersGuidance Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.