How Do I Refocus on Living and Not Wishing To Die?
Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Question
I want to die because of all the bad things that happen to me. My father and grandmother are abusive. I yearn for my mother, who passed away, and I want to be with her. I want to be away from everyone else, especially those who hurt me. I want to leave this temporary world.
My OCD & depression keeps coming back but worse each time. I feel as though I am a burden in others’ lives. I’m scared. I keep slacking. I’m afraid of the consequences of my sins. I’m trying to turn back to Allah.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
May Allah guide us to the belief and way of life that is pleasing to Him, remove our difficulties, relieve our pain, grant our late loved ones Paradise, and comfort our hearts.
We deeply empathize with you in this terrible situation. It is abysmal to live in a troublesome and restless home. We pray that Allah removes you from this situation soon.
Please know that Allah loves you as He tests those He loves, and we love you, so as difficult as it may seem, do not wish for death. Instead, seek assistance from Allah through patience and prayer, seek counseling, turn to professionals and authorities who can physically assist you, and trust that the All-Merciful and Majestic Allah will never forsake you, and Allah knows best.
Allah Detests Oppression and Abuse
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) related from Allah Almighty Himself Who said, “Truly, I have made it forbidden on Myself to wrong anyone; and I have made it severely forbidden for you! So do not oppress each other!” [Muslim]
Allah detests oppression, and you must end this cycle by seeking counsel with professionals and authorities who will assist you in stopping or removing yourself from the prevalent abuse.
Why Does Allah Test Us?
Sometimes Allah tests His servants with calamities to raise them in status and to expiate for their sins. The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “No misfortune or disease befalls a Muslim, no worry or grief or harm or distress – not even a thorn that pricks him – but Allah will expiate for some of his sins on account of it.” [Agreed upon]
Please do not accept the abuse, but know that it is a means of washing away any sins you may have incurred when you face difficulty.
Allah says: “We will certainly test you with a touch of fear and famine and loss of property, life, and crops. Give good news to those who patiently endure— who, when faced with a disaster, say, “Surely to Allah we belong and to Him we will ˹all˺ return.” They are the ones who will receive Allah’s blessings and mercy. And it is they who are ˹rightly˺ guided.” [Qur’an 2:155-157]
Reasonable Fear and Bad Fear
As for your fear about your sins, generally, it is good to regret one’s sins but only to the extent that it moves you to repent. If your fear is debilitating, then this is not a healthy fear, and Allah knows best.
Allah says: “Say, ˹O Prophet, that Allah says,˺ “O My servants who have exceeded the limits against their souls! Do not lose hope in Allah’s mercy, for Allah certainly forgives all sins.1 He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Qur’an 39:53]
Refocus: Don’t Wish for Death
We must reiterate that you need to seek professional counseling if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts.
The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “None of you should wish for death, or pray for it before it comes, for when one of you dies, his good deeds come to an end and for the believer, a long life will not increase him in anything but good.” [Muslim]
Instead of allowing negativity to make you wish for death, refocus that energy by using the life Allah gave you to do as many good deeds as possible. Pray for your beloved late mother, who continues to benefit from your prayers. Use every negative situation to motivate you to turn fervently to Allah.
The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “The best of people is the one who lives long and does good.” [Ahmad, Tirmidhi]
Please see: Suffering
I pray this is of benefit and that Allah guides us all.
[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar, Shaykh Taha Karaan.
Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Mawlana Yusuf Karaan, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.
He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has served as the Director of the Discover Islam Centre and Al Jeem Foundation. For the last five years till present, he has served as the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.
Shaykh Irshaad has thirteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town). He is currently building an Islamic online learning and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and pursuing his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy living and fitness.
