How Do I Deal With Arrogant Hurtful Classmates?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I have some Muslim girls in my college. These girls wear hijab and everything but their attitude is so bad. I sat next to one of these girls and she moved away from me, and that hurt me a lot. While wearing hijab, they flirt with guys and put uncovered profile pics. How can we feel confident in front of these people? I feel bad that people from our own Muslim community have so much ego and pride. I have set some boundaries but how to deal with these people on a regular basis?
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I empathize with how hurt you must have felt when this girl did this to you. It’s unbecoming and obnoxious of Muslims to behave this way, but patience is your key.
Annoyance
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Majah]
People are imperfect; Allah has told us in His book that mankind is, “anxious“, “forgetful“, “ungrateful“, and that this is our very nature until we strive to change it and refine our character. Although your classmate is not getting the sin of showing her hair, she is getting the sin of her bad attitude. Everyone’s sins are different. Don’t focus on another’s sins at all, but rather focus on yourself.
Be avid
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), told us, “The stronger believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive to seek that which will benefit you and do not feel helpless. If something overwhelms you, then say: QaddarAllah, wa ma sha’a fa’al (It is the decree of Allah and what He wills He does). And beware of (saying) ‘If only,’ for ‘If only’ opens the door to Satan.” [Ibn Majah]
Don’t waste your time acting a victim, and don’t waste your time counting another’s faults. Thank Allah that you are not rude like her, and find Muslim friends who will make you a better person and who benefit you. Shift your focus and make a list of your own character flaws. Start working on those.
Forgiveness
She has hurt your feelings, and you should just forgive her, and take the high road. She honestly doesn’t know any better, and later on, she will figure things out about life and people. You can avoid her for now and give her the minimum “Assalamu alaykum“ when you see her. Be grateful that Allah is steering you away from someone who doesn’t benefit you.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, “Nothing is placed on the Scale that is heavier than good character. Indeed the person with good character will have attained the rank of the person of fasting and prayer.“ [Tirmidhi] Instead of asking yourself why she doesn’t embody the hadith above, embody it yourself and be prepared to answer for your character on the Day of Resurrection.
Confidence
Don’t look for confidence, or validation, from these people. But find confidence in the fact that Allah created you in the best way, gave you Islam, and loves you. Your rank as a believer is special and you should use your limbs, words, and heart to do what Allah wants you to do. Look for validation from Allah and His Messenger and strive to be mentioned by the circles of angels in Heaven. That is true validation.
Please see these other links on how to deal with your classmate:
Should I Maintain the Ties of a Difficult Friendship?
Can I Cut Ties With a Muslim Friend Who Is a Bad Influence?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
