How Can We Convince Our Families To Let Us Marry Each Other?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am interested in marrying a man who is 23 years old, and I am 19. My sister married his brother, and we are family friends. We approached our parents, but both sides disapproved and were very disappointed with us. I did istikhara and made dua for this to happen. He is telling me that this probably won’t work out at all. He also believes that one has to sacrifice something in order to get something, so even if we marry, we will be the reason for our families’ sadness. I believe that duas can make the impossible possible. I have faith that we might marry for the good. I want to keep making dua for this until I get married.
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question.
It is heartwarming to see your conviction and aspiration to continue to pray for what you want. I pray that Allah gives you the best spouse for you and that you find happiness regardless.
Emotional attachment
At this point, you really don’t know if you will end up marrying him, so I highly recommend that you distance yourself from him. Getting attached to a man anyway causes heartbreak and disappointment, and I don’t want you to get deeper into this. Either way that your situation goes, there is no need to keep in touch with him. You will either wait until you marry, or start breaking the attachment now if it doesn’t work out.
Steps
I don’t want to tell you to keep praying for this for another year or two, nor can I tell you to give up. Perhaps you can try talking to your parents again in 3-6 months and have them sit down and talk to the young man. Perhaps he should come over with a formal proposal with this parents to show his seriousness. This might warm them up to the idea. Explain to your parents why you think he is good for you and tell them that this will make you happy. Pray the Prayer of Need and ask Allah through istikhara to send you clarity about pursuing this or not.
Goodness either way
In the end, you will not be able to marry without your father’s permission, nor would you want to, so be patient with what happens. Remember that Allah has destined what is best for you, and He expects you to react with positivity, courage, devotion, and contentment with what you face. Remember these words of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), “How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him.“ [Muslim]
Please see these links for more tips:
How Do I Marry Someone My Parents May Not Approve Of?
How Can I Tell My Parents That I Want To Marry a Potential Convert?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
