How Can I Stop My Wife’s Constant Nagging and Complaining?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

How to stop one’s wife from always nagging? No matter what good the husband does, she is always complaining and nagging.

Answer

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. 

I am sorry that you are suffering at the hands of your wife, and I pray that this problem can be solved and that you both commit to a stronger and happier marriage.

Ungrateful wives

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.“ It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?“ (Or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.‘ (Bukhari)

The above is the category that your wife should fear because it is an odious character, unbecoming for a Muslim wife, and an unfit example for children to witness. Unfortunately, communicating this to her won’t be easy.

Tips

The best way to advise a person is usually indirectly, in a way that she doesn’t feel attacked. Try these tips:

1) When she is nagging, don’t answer back right away but later on, when she has calmed down.

2) Fix the lack of communication. She is clearly upset about something that constantly bothers her, so try to talk to her about it openly. If she sees that you care to inquire, this will show her that you care and probably cut her nagging down by half. Pay attention to the actual complaint and see if it’s valid. If it is, make the intention to improve and change.

3) If she is nagging you about something that you really have done wrong, apologize and try not to repeat it.

4) Tell her how much her complaining is affecting your mental peace and that you feel unappreciated. Communicate your feelings instead of bottling them up.

5) Negotiate. If she has demands that you cannot fulfill, be honest. Tell her that you are happy to do something else, but this particular task is going to be difficult. Work out a plan to get some help or outsource the work elsewhere.

6) Ask her to accept you for who you are, and ask her not to try to change you. Rather, ask her to grow and learn with you without pointing fingers.

7) Consider speaking to a counselor, friend, elder, or imam that might help improve communication and understanding between you.

8) Befriend other religious and happy couples that can act as a good example for your wife and yourself. Always compare yourselves to those who have succeeded in what you strive for. Emulate them and take their advice.

Turn to Allah

Ask Allah to help you with all your troubles. Ask Him to improve your character and to be a pious guide for your family in all their affairs. Pray the Prayer of Need, and supplicate genuinely before dawn. Ask your wife to join you in worship and bond with her so that your time together becomes more important than anything else. At the end of the day, Allah will be the one to show your wife the light, and if He does and I pray that He does, be grateful to Him.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad  

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.