How Can I Make My Parents Stop Forcing Me to Get Married?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am 20 years old and my parents are old-fashioned. My parents are trying to force me to marry someone I don’t like but I want to do my higher studies. I told them that it is haram to force and I told them clearly that I am not ready for marriage!
My mom once slapped me very hard for speaking out and my mom said they will still force me. I am so scared for my life. How can I make them understand?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration. Forcing someone into marriage is not Islamic but rather taken from other religions and cultures and has found its way into Muslim families.
Shari`ah
According to Islamic law, you cannot be forced to marry someone against your will. You should explain this to your parents and if they do not listen, have another elder, relative, imam or friend explain this to them. Hearing it from a third party usually sparks some understanding. I know this is difficult when your parents have deep cultural expectations and views.
Politeness
Despite your troubles, you must remain polite and kind to your parents, it was wrong of your mother to slap you, but try to restrain your anger and don’t take it out on her. She probably truly feels that this man will give you a good life and future and she wants to secure that for you. No one wants more material comfort for their children than parents do. Know that she is coming from a place of concern and care for you. Try to communicate with her on an emotional level so she knows how you feel.
Father
Can you appeal to your father? No one can force you to marry and your father has the authority to take your side and say no to your mother. Can you speak to him and make him understand that you respect and love him, but you prefer to wait a little longer and study first?
Turn to Allah
Please perform the Prayer of Guidance about how to move forward. Watch what Allah unfolds for you, as objectively as possible. For example, a clear sign for you to pursue marriage is your heart softening toward this man and a willingness to get to know him. Also perform the Prayer of Need in the last third of the night, even if it’s 5-10 minutes before the entry of Fajr. Ask Allah to make a solution for you. Fulfill all of your other duties to Allah and rely on Him.
Pressure
If you do succumb to the pressure and end up marrying this man, ask for a compromise. Tell them that you want to continue your studies. You can speak to your parents or even the suitor about this. Perhaps, you can get engaged or have a nikah and study first. Or perhaps, you can marry him and study in the beginning and plan to have children later. If this man has good character and is kind, you may have a great future with him. You may even decide to get to know him before agreeing to the marriage, you have a right to this.
May Allah facilitate this for you and guide you to the right decision. See the links below:
Can My Mother Force Me to Marry Someone?
My Friend’s Mother Pushes Him to Get Married to Her Niece. What Should He Do?
May Allah give you the best in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
