How Can I Help My Abusive Mother and Help Myself?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My mother is very abusive she calls me really horrible names and hits me. She says she wishes I wasn’t born and to be honest, I agree. I prefer being dead to living with her. She is argumentative with everyone and has poor relationships with everyone in her life. I am now depressed and at a very low place. My question is there a supplication or surah that I can read that can help her?
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question.
May Allah reward you for being concerned with helping her more than helping yourself. You both need help and I pray that this abuse stops.
Abuse
It is prohibited for your mother to abuse you in any way and it is obligatory for you to prevent this abuse however you can. Can you stand up for yourself? Can you tell her that it’s difficult for you to be a good daughter when she causes you so much pain? I am not sure how old you are, but if you generally do what she asks, will she leave you alone? Can you consider moving in with a relative to show her how serious you are about her abuse? Having a toxic mother is not easy, but I am certain that if you seek a solution through Allah, you will find a way out. See these tips as well:
My Mother Emotionally Abuses Us and Her Husband
Abusive, Toxic, and Mentally Ill Mother
A way out
Find solace in this Qur’anic verse and prophetic hadith:
[…] And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). [Qur’an, 65:2]
And the value of the dua of victims of abuse is in this prophetic hadith, “There are three whose supplication is not rejected: The fasting person when he breaks his fast, the just leader, and the supplication of the oppressed person; Allah raises it up above the clouds and opens the gates of heaven to it. And the Lord says: ‘By My might, I shall surely aid you, even if it should be after a while.’” [Tirmidhi]
Try these tips while you are stuck in this toxic household:
6 Ways To Deal With Emotionally Abusive Parents
Supplications
Please say these supplications linked below, pray on time, pray the Prayer of Need, read some Qur’an daily with the meaning, make Allah and His Messenger your refuge. Try to speak to a professional or your doctor about your depression and don’t ignore it. Remember that you don’t deserve to be treated this way and that Allah loves you.
Fighting Depression Through The Remembrance Of Allah
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
