How Can I Deal With My Stingy Husband Who Earns Well?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Even though my husband is earning well, he is very stingy about spending on me and the children. I mostly have to spend the money I get on behalf of my autistic son for housing needs and my own needs as a woman. My son’s money should be for his well-being, but it is not happening. I feel like we are taking advantage of him, and I feel so guilty about it. I feel like stealing from my husband. What can I do? I am not earning and am a full-time caregiver at home.
Answer
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question.
It is wrong that your husband does not give you enough to spend on yourself and the family. He will be asked about this on the Day of Judgment, and I pray that he changes his mindset.
Spending on family is a charity
A man might think that he can support his wife according to a fiqh manual, which gives her the basic rights to food, housing, and clothing, but there is so much more to marriage to make it successful. He should act according to the Prophetic advice and treat you well and understand that charity is more rewarded when spent on the family.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) treat said, “A dinar you spend in Allah’s way, or to free a slave, or as a charity that you give to a needy person, or to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spend on your family.” [Muslim]
Communicate
The best thing that you can do to start with is to communicate your needs to your husband. Tell him that you don’t have enough of what you need and that you hope that he can put aside some pocket money for you every month. Tell him how much you need and ask him to compromise. Would he prefer that you start working to earn your own money? Can you get a credit card that you use to buy what you need and then let him worry about the credit card payment? Can you move to an affordable area to lower your expenses, but the quality of life can improve??
Don’t threaten him because it will affect your relationship negatively and create resentment in both of you. Don’t withdraw your love and care because he needs a good example in front of him, and problems can multiply if that happens. If he disagrees and you are left to your own devices to make ends meet, use the tips given here:
https://funcheaporfree.com/
Your son’s money
You should also tell him that it is wrong to spend your child’s money on the household’s needs instead of using it to benefit him. This is potentially sinful, and your husband should fear his accounting for this on the Day of Judgment.
As for stealing money from him to fulfill your needs, the details are here:
My Husband Let Us Starve. What Do I Do?
Turn to Allah
Remember that every test that comes to you comes from Allah. He wants to see your reaction, and He wants you to do what is pleasing to him. Start with mending your relationship with Allah. Put Him first, pray on time, read a bit of the Qur’an every day and learn all the halals and harams of daily life. Make dua before dawn that Allah turn your husband’s heart around and ask Him to give you patience, wisdom, and tact. Focus on his good qualities and try to give them time. In sha Allah, with time, he will change. See these links as well:
What is obligatory for the husband to spend on his wife?
Is it Permissible to Economically or Mentally Abuse your Spouse?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
