How Should I Deal with House Guests Intruding My Privacy?

Answered by Shaykh Salim Ahmad Mauladdawila

Question: Assalam alaykum,

We recently moved into a new house and have had various people come over to visit. Is it OK for family members to want to see each and every room of the house and go around opening rooms by themselves? Is it wrong for me to dislike this?

Am I an apostate for this?

Answer: Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught us manners which we should strive to implement in all aspects of our daily lives, saying in a hadith, “Verily I was sent to perfect good etiquette”. When the Prophet was asked about what act most of the people of paradise enter it by, he replied, “Being God-fearing and having good etiquette”.

The Islamic greeting of “Assalammu ‘alaykum” is well known, but the greeting itself is not explicit permission to enter, and one should still seek permission to enter after saying it, as Imam al-Bukhari mentions in al-Adab al-Mufrad. He elaborates on the concept of seeking permission by quoting the Companion Jabir, “A man should seek permission [to enter] from his son, his mother—even if she is old, his brother, his sister, and his father”.

Islam also asks that we have the utmost respect for people’s privacy, especially in their own homes. Even peering into or around a home or room without seeking permission has been specifically warned against. Sayyiduna Umar bin al-Khattab is quoted as saying, “Anyone who fills his eye with the contents of a house before he has been given permission has gone astray”.

Everyone’s privacy should be respected according to one’s relationship with that individual, so there exists no blanket rule, however one should always base their interactions upon respect. What should also be kept in mind is that often people have certain expectations from their host or guest based on their upbringing, culture, or tradition. When dealing with these situations and when letting someone know that they have potentially crossed the line with their actions, we should also remember our good etiquette. As God says, “Respond with the better deed” [23:96].

We should try to minimize any possible misunderstandings in these situations and remember the Prophet’s order to maintain bonds of kinship. We should also remember the importance of filial piety. The Prophet (peace be upon him) asked his Companions rhetorically, “Shall I tell you of the worst of the major sins?” He continued, “Associating a partner with God and disobeying parents”.

Certain awkward situations may prove difficult to navigate, but we should keep in mind the reward we receive in doing so. In general, as hosts we should be courteous and generous, but we can still maintain our right to privacy, especially if we live in a shared dwelling and the privacy of other residents comes into place. We can remind people that we are entitled to our privacy, that their prying isn’t appreciated, or that we would rather they don’t do such-and-such, but we should strive to do so in the best manner possible.

For further reading:
—Imam al-Bukhari, al-Adab al-Mufrad
—Imam al-Ghazali, Iyha Ulum al-Din. Specifically, the Second Quarter: Norms of Daily Life, Book 11: On the Manners Related to Eating

[Shaykh] Salim Ahmad Mauladdawila