Can I Hide Wrongdoings I’ve Done To Someone When They Were Young?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
If I hurt someone ages ago and they have no memory of it whatsoever because they were too young and I feel so bad. However, now they’re older I can’t tell them it, as it might cause them to be upset and do more damage to our relationship. Is it okay to ask for forgiveness by asking them to “forgive me if I ever hurt you in general?”
This was years ago and I was also young but old enough to know right and wrong. I genuinely feel bad now and I always ask them for forgiveness but I don’t ever tell them what I did, I just say I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt you. Does this count?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to rectify your past and for seeking forgiveness.
You are right that it is a very bad idea to tell them about what you did, so be sure to keep it hidden in the past. It would make that person very upset, as you said. Also, keep in mind that you were young, so you may not even be held accountable for it on the day of Judgment if you did this before puberty.
Asking forgiveness from him is fine, and you already have, so you don’t need to do it repeatedly, this might also stress him out. If you wanted to do one more thing in his favor, you can give some charity on his behalf, without telling him, so that he gets a reward for it. After this, try to forget about the incident and don’t bring it up in your mind again.
The more important and ultimate goal is to ask Allah to forgive you. Sincere repentance is essential and the committal to never return to such a sin. Please see this link:
What Are the Conditions of Making Tawba? (Transcript) – Ustadh Abdullah Misra
Be the best Muslim that you can be. Pray on time, pay zakat on time, be kind and helpful to those around you, have good character, read Qur’an every day, help others in need, and stay away from the haram. Take a course on your obligatory knowledge and halals and harams so that you know how to behave and what to avoid.
May Allah give you the best in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
