Can A Father Refuse To Meet A Suitor For His Daughter?
Question: Can a father refuse to meet a potential suitor for his daughter?
I am interested in marrying a woman who is of a very pious background. I asked her directly if she is interested in meeting me for marriage and she wishes to do so. However, after asking her father, he refused to meet me or meet any of my family, even when his daughter persisted. Is the father allowed to do this? And should I persist in trying to meet him or should I leave it be?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question.
It is unfortunate that her father is refusing to meet you and I empathize with your frustration. As a father, he may do what he wishes, even if unfair.
Istikhara
Start with praying istikhara and ask Allah whether you should pursue this girl. If you have already prayed it, pray it again, now that the father is refusing to meet you, and ask Allah whether you should keep persisting. See these links about the etiquette and reality of istikhara:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/articles/general-artices/the-reality-of-istikhara/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/hanafi-fiqh/istikhara-the-prayer-of-seeking-guidance/
Follow your heart
If you feel that it is negative, then walk away and know that you obeyed Allah by following His guidance. There is barakah in that and it may be that Allah wanted you to learn something that you will realize later on.
If you feel that it is positive, then you can tell her that you will patiently wait for her father to come around and try again in a month or two. Of course, don’t let this drag on too long. If he doesn’t agree the second time, you should not keep pursuing it. It may be that he wants to test you and see your steadfastness and commitment first.
Prepare yourself for marriage
The best thing that any single Muslim can do is prepare oneself for marriage. Take a free course to learn the rights and responsibilities of both the husband and the wife. Lowering one’s expectations and being prepared to do more giving than taking are some good points to learn. May Allah give you success and bless your union with the best-suited girl for you.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
