What Advice Would You Give Me to Find a Spouse?
Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah
Question
I wanna get married but have not found anyone yet. I don’t have enough funds to do so and I don’t have many friends around me. What advice would you give me?
Answer
There are various aspects to consider before getting married, and some of the most important aspects are financial ability and emotional and religious maturity.
Financial Ability
With the joy of marriage comes responsibility. A husband is required to provide a home for his wife and cover the general costs of food, clothing, bills, etc. It would be unfair to marry someone and not be able to financially look after them.
Also, a lack of financial income is likely to decrease your chances of finding a spouse, as it is a major consideration for both the prospective wife and her family, and rightly so.
My suggestion is that before you think about marriage, secure a steady full-time job that gives you a regular and decent income and keep to it for a good period of time. When you are settled in the job and have ideally saved a little, then return to the idea of marriage.
In the meantime, if you are struggling with natural desires, try fasting regularly, diminishing certain foods, exercising regularly, and keep busy with work, worship, and some healthy socializing.
Emotional and Religious Maturity
Along with financial stability, it is important that prospective husbands or wives consider whether they are emotionally ready to share their lives with another person. Marriage has its own challenges and ups and downs, especially in the first few years, so it is important that each person comes into the marriage with as much maturity and good character as is possible, as well as with a few ‘issues’ and ‘baggage’ as possible. Ideally, these should be resolved before marriage, or at least worked on beforehand.
Marriage should ultimately be a means for a man and woman to walk an intimate path of love towards the next life. This means helping each other be better Muslims and increasing in closeness to God. It is important then, that before marriage, each person should learn their religion well and be comfortable with it in practice.
Looking for a Spouse
When you have done the above, you can explore the following avenues:
· Attend local mosques and find out if they help find marriage partners
· Socialise more, and when appropriate, let friends know you are looking for a practising wife
· Attend Islamic classes and events and get to know people, and do the same as above over time. Ask teachers if they know anyone suitable.
· Ask your wider family to look for you
Please also refer to the following answers which cover the various topics we have discussed above:
I wish you all the very best, insha’Allah.
Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.
