How Should I Behave in the Face of My Parents’ Abuse toward Me?
Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question
1) Can you please tell me the Islamic ruling for a person who wants to distance themselves from a family who repeatedly subjects them to various kinds of abuse such as emotional, discrimination, and neglect almost on an everyday basis over many years, with no signs of stopping?
2) Is it permissible for this person to talk about their situation to other people in order to get help, without the fear of punishment from Allah, especially when it comes to parents due to their high status?
3) Is it better for this person to remain patient with the calamity Allah has decreed and only seek help from Allah alone through prayer, supplication, etc., or should they also seek help from the people; who would qualify as the right people to contact?
4) If this person forgives the family, even if they do not ask for forgiveness, what will be their state in the eyes of Allah in this life and the life to come? Also, what will be the state of the person being abused in the eyes of Allah in this life and the life to come?
Answer
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
(1) Harm is to be avoided. You should get in touch with somebody who can assist directly in your situation.
(2) Yes, it is permissible. However, do so in a manner that is not simply venting. See: When is Backbiting Permissible?
(3) No, we are called upon to take the means. Nobody said to sit still and suffer. Seek out somebody who can help. As for whom, it depends on the situation. Consider getting in touch with a local, reliable scholar.
(4) Forgiving those who have wronged one is from the high, noble sunna. Allah knows well the difficulties people face. Stay strong, ask Allah to lift the trial, pray the Prayer of Need, seek out some righteous company, and keep asking Allah for help.
Also see:
- A Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah
- How Do You Distinguish Between a Test From Allah and Punishment?
And Allah alone gives success.
wassalam,
[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadh Tabraze Azam holds a BSc in Computer Science from the University of Leicester, where he also served as the President of the Islamic Society. He memorized the entire Qur’an in his hometown of Ipswich at the tender age of sixteen, and has since studied the Islamic Sciences in traditional settings in the UK, Jordan, and Turkey. He is currently pursuing advanced studies in Jordan, where he is presently based with his family.
