What to Do After My Husband Had a One-Night Stand?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My husband of 16 years had a one-night stand and only found out because he gave me an SDI. I feel crushed and shocked because he is respectful and has good character. We were happy to have kids together, and I always looked after myself and made a big effort to look desirable for him. What should I do?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am so sorry that you are going through this pain, and I pray that you grow from this and find closeness to Allah through this trial.

Adultery

Abu Huraira reported that God’s messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When a servant of God commits fornication, faith departs from him, and there is something like an awning over his head; but when he quits that action faith returns to him.” [Tirmidhi: Abu Dawud]

Your husband gave into his lusts and the devil’s whispers and did something haram. I doubt it was a one-night stand, but it is the only one you know about. Your husband lied, was deceitful, and broke your trust, and I think this is the only time he got caught.

You have two options, and you must pray istikhara about what to do. You can stay or go. Ask yourself these questions, and don’t rush your decision. Is he worth staying with? Is he a good father? Does he provide well? Are you able to forgive him and start anew? Can you start couples therapy? You should speak to his parents and your parents to look at your options. Tell him that you need intervention and that if you don’t see improvement or progress, you can request a khul‘a or request that he divorce you. Tell him that you are considering all your options; hopefully, that will wake him up.

Turn to Allah

Ask Allah to facilitate the matter for you and turn to Him totally in this difficult time. Supplicate at dawn, pray your five prayers on time, and read some Quran every day. Attempt to learn your religion and apply it as well as you can. While you are his wife, I encourage you not to fight with him, for your own peace of mind. Choose silence, be tactful, spend time with people you love, and don’t waste your breath in arguments. You don’t need to rack up bad deeds because of him. Instead, ask him to give more time to the kids and send them out to do activities together. Find ways to cope until you decide. Marital counseling is a must.

Way Out

Channel your worries into dua, as Allah is the Changer of Hearts. Keep your hopes up with this Quranic verse and know that Allah’s promise is true: “And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed, Allah has set a measure for all things.” [Quran, 65:2-3]

Please see these links as well:

• Cheating Husband
• Committing Adultery in an Unhappy Marriage
• How Can I Stop Committing Adultery as a Married Man?
• How Do I Deal With My Unfaithful Husband and Trust Him Again?
• How to Deal with My Husband Who Has an Extra-Marital Affair?
• My Husband Does Not Pray, Has Cheated on Me, and He Jokes About Having Affairs. Is My Marriage Contract to Him Valid?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.