What Should My Sister Do as She Is Being Forced to Meet Someone for Marriage?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My parents are looking for a man for my sister, which she has no problem with, but she has some criteria that must be met before she will accept, one being that he must be from the country that we live in. My parents have suggested a man from another country, and she has declined because of her criteria.

My parents are now forcing her to marry him while she is saying no. They tell her that good girls do not refuse. There hasn’t been any contact with him, but they are saying they will put her in contact with him soon. What is the ruling on this?

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for being such a caring sister, and may He facilitate this matter for everyone.

Prophetic Criteria

The most important criterion for marriage is what we were taught by the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). He said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim] This applies to both genders. Your sister should put this prophetic criterion in her mind first before she agrees to anything.

Compulsion

It is not right for parents to force their daughter to meet someone for marriage, and of course, she may not be forced into marriage at all. Abu Huraira reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A widow must not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin must not be married until her permission is sought.” They asked the Prophet of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace), “How is her (i.e., the virgin’s) consent (taken)?” He said: “That she keeps silent.” [Muslim]

Tips

My advice is that she meet the person just to make them happy, and then she will have a solid basis for saying no. She can claim that they are no match and that she honestly tried her best. As long as your sister remains polite, respectful, and open with them, I feel that the parents will listen to her, by God’s grace. Let her pray istikhara and pray the Prayer of Need for guidance and ease in this situation.

Please see these links as well:

• How Do I Deal with Being Forced to Marry Someone I Don’t Love?
• How Do I Deal With Parents Forcing Me To Marry a Man That I Do Not Like?
• My Father Is Emotionally Blackmailing Me to Get Married. What Do I Do?
• How Do I Deal With a Family Who Is Pressuring Me To Marry My Cousin Back Home?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.