What Should I Do If I Am Uncomfortable with My Gender?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I’ve never been comfortable with my gender but it has become more apparent in the last few years. Suffice to say, I don’t think I ever will be. And I may never marry.
What are the Islamic rules regarding people that genuinely might not fit in their gender and aren’t making it up? Are there such things as mukhannath or their female counterpart and what are their rulings?
Is there a process for these people or any concessions? Should I just bear with patience or is there anything I can do?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I pray that you are able to resolve these issues and find comfort and happiness in your life. You must be going through a lot of pain, frustration, and confusion right now.
Trust in Allah and know that He watches over and has concern and care for all of His servants. We just have to be sincere and genuine to Him.
Please see this link to a video that discusses your issue.
The word mukhannath (effeminate) refers to a person who behaves like a woman in gentleness, speech, appearance, movements and so on. One who chooses to imitate women but was not created as such is sinful and cursed in the hadith. See these links about the khuntha:
What is the Islamic view on transgenders?
How should one deal with the LGBTQ community?
According to the shariah, you must bear patiently what you are feeling. There are no concessions to actively pursue a homosexual lifestyle nor to have a gender change operation.
Trust that Allah has put you in this position for a reason and know that your reward for not pursuing your desires will be manifold, by the grace of Allah.
I would suggest to you that you still marry and have a family because that can give you tremendous happiness and satisfaction. You will be able to fulfill your obligations, satisfy your desires, and complete half of your religion.
I know that sounds impossible right now, but ask Allah to make things easy and send you good in every facet of your life. No matter what you are feeling, pray on time, pay zakat on time, and fulfill your obligations to Him, rest assured that He will take care of you.
May Allah give you the best in both worlds.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
