What Is the Right Way to Approach Someone for Marriage?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am friends with a girl, and we have never indulged in anything haram, and I like her in the purest of ways and see a future with her. She refrains from haram activities and is a very pure and pious person. We will move to London soon to pursue our education respectively.
She has been talking a lot about partying over there. I am worried that she is into that sort of thing and just hasn’t expressed that to me or that she’s so innocent and naive that that environment will have a bad effect on her and change her into a different person.
I am worried and stressed, and sad. I don’t want to lose the pious person that I know. How can I approach this situation? I really don’t want to see her go astray.
Answer
Worrying about her like this is very compassionate and kind of you. I commend your pure intention to marry her for her piety.
You should propose to her before you go to London. It is not right that you both move away without understanding each other. Anything could happen while you are in London; she might even meet someone else. This will upset you, so it’s better to know how she feels now and consolidate it if possible.
Talk to your parents, pray istikhara about proposing to her or not, and follow that. If it comes out positive, she might agree, and you can get engaged formally before you leave, perhaps even with a nikah.
Once you have a nikah, you can spend your free time with her in London, and find other religious couples and stay away from the party scene. If getting a nikah is impossible, even an engagement will help her avoid the party scene because you will have a big influence as her future husband.
If it comes out negative, you should not propose, but just give her the best advice that you can about protecting herself and keeping the company of religious girls.
Pray for her always and ask Allah to guide both of you to what is best for you in this world and the next. May Allah give you tawfiq.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
