Should I Stop Excessively Asking My Parents for Forgiveness?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I try to respect my parents really hard and not even say ‘Uff, ‘but sometimes I say it by mistake and immediately regret it. Sometimes they might not have even heard it. My issue is that they get angry with me if I ask for forgiveness; they call me an extremist or sick in the head. I don’t blame them as I have waswasa issues. Anyways, now I am really sad as I don’t want to anger Allah. Is it OK to ask Allah only to forgive me?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. It is very honorable of you to uphold such a high level of respect with your parents, and I pray that you can find hope in Allah’s mercy instead of being overcome by sadness.
Respecting parents
Your sincerity is obvious, and I feel that there is nothing that I need to tell you regarding respect for parents. Continue to treat them with kindness, guide them, help them, smile and laugh with them, and don’t get angry with them. That being said, we are not perfect beings, and you should not expect perfection from yourself. Allah loves the repentant, as the Prophet told us (Allah bless him and give him peace), “All the sons of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who are given to repentance. “[Tirmidhi & Ibn Majah]
See these links as well:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/parents/promise-to-ones-parents/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/articles/quran-articles/serve-parents-now-late/
Apologizing too much
Believe it or not, there is such a thing as apologizing too much, and I tend to agree with your parents. If your parents are genuinely not offended at what you have said, but you wish to repent anyway, repent to Allah, Most High. Your constant asking for their pardon can be frustrating, and they will end up more worried about you.
Consider The Apology Act, a bill passed in 2009 in Canada. It is a law in the province of Ontario that provides apologies made by a person do not necessarily constitute an admission of guilt. Apologies are now inadmissible in court. So, saying “sorry” meant “an expression of sympathy or regret,” not “an admission of fault or liability in connection with the matter to which the words or actions relate.” In case you didn’t know, Canadians do say sorry frequently, hence the law.
Remembrance of Allah
My advice to you is that instead of saying sorry when it’s unnecessary, make dhikr, istighfar, and glorify your Lord, embodying the Quranic injunction, “O you who believe, remember God with frequent remembrance.” [Qur’an 33:41]
May Allah give you and your family the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
