Should I Remain Estranged from My Family?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am a convert and was estranged from my family for many years before I converted. However, recently, I have been made aware that they are asking after me and would like a relationship. I would rather keep my distance and not see them at all.

Would it be sinful to remain estranged from them in this instance if I feel my reasons are justified?

Answer

May Allah reward you for accepting the guidance of Islam and I pray that you can do what is right regarding your family, according to the pleasure of Allah and the sunna of His Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace).

Cutting Ties

Jubair bin Mut’im reported on the authority of his father that Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The severer would not enter Paradise.” Ibn Umar said that Sufyan (explained it as): ‘One who severs the tie of kinship would not enter Paradise.’” [Muslim] This means that you can’t cut them off completely, but keep a minimal relationship with them.

Protect Yourself

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” [Ibn Maja] As I don’t know what your reasons are, I recommend that you minimize contact to protect yourself from them instead of cutting ties of kinship completely. Send messages once in a while. Call occasionally, especially if someone is sick or needs something from you. Time, forgiveness, and du’a, by Allah’s grace, will improve things, and I pray that you can eventually have a normal relationship with them.

Plan to Forgive

I encourage you to be kind to them in your minimal interactions while protecting yourself at the same time and planning to forgive them eventually. Abdullah ibn al-‘Aas reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Show mercy and you will be shown mercy. Forgive and Allah will forgive you. Woe to the vessels that catch words (i.e. the ears). Woe to those who persist and consciously continue in what they are doing.” [Sahih Albani]

Turn to Allah

Keep your hopes up and do your part with Allah. Keep up your prayers, read Quran daily, increase your knowledge of religion, make dhikr and stay away from the haram.  Know that Allah’s promise is true in the Quran: “And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.” [Quran, 65:2-3]

Please see these links for more details on cutting ties of kinship:
What is the Minimum Amount of Relationship I Have to Keep with a Relative I Hate?
How Do We Maintain Family Ties With Bloodthirsty Relatives?
Is It Bad That I Do Not Love My Mother Because of All the Stress That She Gives Me?
Will Allah Hate Me for Cutting Off My Toxic Mother in Order To Protect Myself?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.