Should I Move On from a Man Telling Me That He Was Going to Propose?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Last year, I met a guy and got to know him until he spoke with my dad. He still had one year left at university, whereas I was in a study abroad program and had already graduated. After a couple of months, my family started questioning his intentions. He wanted to wait until after graduation, whereas I was hoping to get engaged.
Unfortunately, the day my family was supposed to talk to his family on a call, they didn’t answer. My family thought it was unacceptable, so we cut him off. I feel ashamed of this relationship now, but I still think he might return when he is ready. My family wants me to move one, but it hasn’t been long since ending it.
Answer
May Allah reward you for being honest with yourself and for trying to take the proper steps from the beginning. I don’t see why you should wait for him.
Marriage
Marriage is straightforward, and proposing is even simpler. If a man wants to marry you and doesn’t want to lose you to someone else, he proposes and secures an engagement. Your suitor has shown that he is not severe, and perhaps his family has persuaded him not to propose, but he is too shy to tell you.
He has already given you the most significant sign, and you should be grateful that he is not leading you on. Move on. If you don’t, you will be holding onto an illusion and wasting your time.
Prepare for Marriage
Moving forward, please don’t be ashamed, as Allah wanted this to happen, and there is a lesson to derive from it. Use what you have learned to draw closer to Allah. Pray tahajjud out of gratitude for your blessings, and use prayer, dhikr, and Quran to busy yourself with sound. Be avid for what benefits you now.
Prepare for marriage by taking a course on marriage and reviewing your obligatory knowledge. Hone your domestic skills and serve your parents while still with them. Don’t give your time and attention to anyone who is not serious.
I remind you and myself of Allah’s words: “O believers! Patiently endure, persevere, stand on guard, and be mindful of Allah so that you may be successful.” [Quran, 3:200]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
