Should I Marry a Man Who Has High-Functioning Autism?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am a female who has been in the marriage search for the last four years, and I am now 29 years old. My family and I have finally come across what seems to be an ideal suitor: very kind, professional, committed to religion, with a supportive family, etc. The only caveat is that we have noted that this individual is likely on the higher functioning end of the Autism Spectrum and also has a younger sibling who is on the spectrum.
This has potential implications for future children from this marriage and for navigating a neurodiverse marriage, though this person fulfills all of my requirements for deen/character. I have completed istikhara many times on this matter, and I really like him, though in need of guidance.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for considering someone on the Autism spectrum, and may He guide you to make the best decision for yourself and for your future children.
Consult
Alhamdulillah, I am pleased to see that your search may finally be over and that you would choose him for religion, but please consider this decision carefully. You should continue to pray istikhara, and you should consult others, especially those who have autistic members in their family. They can tell how it really is to live with them. The symptoms mentioned in the links below make you realize they might be quite high maintenance and would place the burden of many tasks on you.
Turn to Allah
Turn to Allah entirely and ask him to guide you to a good decision. Do your part by praying on time, learning your religion, and reading the Quran daily. Take a course on marriage to prepare you well, and if this isn’t the right man for you, don’t give up. Make dua and accept whatever comes your way, as Allah knows what timing is best.
Please see these links as well:
- How Is a Child with Autism Viewed in Islam?
- Should I Tell a Suitor That I Have a Mental Illness?
- What to Take into Consideration in a Marriage Proposal?
- Important Traits to Look for in a Prospective Spouse
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
