Should I Ignore My Doubts after My Ex-boyfriend Proposed and Everyone Is Happy about It?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I separated from a boy for the sake of Allah, and he is now asking to come with his parents to meet mine for marriage. I prayed istikhara unbiasedly, and Alhamdulillah received good signs. Our parents agreed to meet, and the boy and I aren’t talking to avoid haram.
Despite the good feelings about this, I am getting doubts. Can it be that we separated to reunite in a halal manner? Does our past mean that we shouldn’t marry? The boy asked me to pray for us before we stopped speaking, but I don’t know what to make of anything. Is this true, or waswasa from Iblis? What do you think we should do?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for being careful and scrupulous, but you should stop doubting after your positive istikhara.
Proposal
Leaving your ex-boyfriend for the sake of Allah was a great gift of tawba to you from Allah. I believe that Allah has accepted your repentance by His grace. Your ex-boyfriend is now taking the proper steps and approaching you for marriage; your past should not prevent that. You have the consent of both parents along with a positive istikhara. You should forget about your past, follow the signs, and focus on why you are getting married.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “O young men! You should marry, for indeed, it helps in lowering the gaze and protecting the private parts. Whoever among you is not able to marry, then let him fast, for indeed fasting will diminish his sexual desire.” [Tirmidhi]
Turn to Allah
Turn to your Lord by reviewing your personally obligatory fiqh or worship and applying it in the best way that you can. Pray on time, read Quran every day, memorize some, pray tahajjud and make dua in the last third of the night for peace of heart. Take courses on marriage with us to prepare yourself and hone your domestic skills. Submit to that which Allah facilitates and leave that which Allah makes difficult, and you will find happiness and blessings in the decision, in sha Allah.
Please see these links as well:
Raising a Believing Generation by Habib Umar bin Hafiz: On Marriage
What Are Some of the Most Important Benefits of Getting Married?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
