Should I Get Married “For the Sake of It” since No Woman Wants Me?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am a man close to my 30’s, unmarried, and have been rejected for marriage. by every single sister I proposed to. I have become depressed and suicidal for several years, my worship is faltering, and I feel no happiness in me, I feel empty. Alhamdulillah, I have a good job, I memorized the Quran, but no woman has ever wanted me. My biggest fear is not that I will never be married or that I will never find a woman who wants me. I also fear that I will have to settle for a woman my heart does not want.
Should I just marry for the sake of it any woman I don’t desire, especially if I fear zina, or should I remain single and depressed? I will be depressed either way, anyway.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration and pain, and I urge you to exert patience and not compromise on marrying someone who is religious.
Impatience
Open up your heart to Allah and repent to Him. Repentance gladdens the heart and lifts its burden. Ask Him to protect you and rid you of depressing thoughts and evil company, including the Devil. Spend your time in worship, prayer, reviewing the Quran, and blessing the Prophet (Allahumma salli `ala Muhammad). Consign all your problems to Him and never stop waiting for His answer, for the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said this about impatience: “The supplication of every one of you is granted if he does not grow impatient and say: ‘I supplicated, but it was not granted.’” [Muslim]
Rejection
Don’t look at the rejection as a test, but rather as a mercy that you didn’t get stuck with the wrong girl. I feel that you haven’t found the right girl yet and that waiting for her will be worth it. Never compromise on marrying someone religious, and don’t get fed up or tired of asking Allah for what you want. Allah will not burden you with something that you cannot bear. Never give up, you have more patience, grit, and resolve than you think. By this grace, submit to His will and keep trying.
Dua
I encourage you to say this beautiful dua, I don’t know its source, but the meaning is sound:
”اللَّهُمَّ ارْزُقْنِی زَوْجَةً وَدُوداً وَلُوداً شَکُوراً غَیُوراً إِنْ أَحْسَنْتُ شَکَرَتْ وَ إِنْ أَسَأْتُ غَفَرَتْ وَ إِنْ ذَکَرْتُ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى أَعَانَتْ وَ إِنْ نَسِیتُ ذَکَّرَتْ وَ إِنْ خَرَجْتُ مِنْ عِنْدِهَا حَفِظَتْ وَ إِنْ دَخَلْتُ عَلَیْهَا سُرَّتْ وَ إِنْ أَمَرْتُهَا أَطَاعَتْنِی وَ إِنْ أَقْسَمْتُ عَلَیْهَا أَبَرَّتْ قَسَمِی وَ إِنْ غَضِبْتُ عَلَیْهَا أَرْضَتْنِی یَا ذَا الْجَلَالِ وَ الْإِکْرَامِ هَبْ لِی ذَلِکَ فَإِنَّمَا أَسْأَلُکَه و لا آخِذ اِلاّ ما مَنَنْتَ و اَعْطَیْتَ.“
“O’ Lord, give me a loving, child-bearing, grateful, jealous (protectively) spouse. A spouse that would be thankful if I treat her well and would forgive me if I treat her badly; a spouse that would help me if I remember Allah and would remind me of Allah if I forget Him; a spouse that would take care if I leave her presence and would be happy if I enter her presence; a spouse that would obey me if I ordered her to do something and would vindicate me if I make a vow. A spouse that would calm me down if I get angry. O’ Possessor of Glory and Honor, give me such a spouse. I have asked for this from you and nothing would come to me unless you grant it and give it.”
Please say the dua in these links and apply the tips in your life:
- What Should I Do If I Cannot Find a Suitable Wife In My Area?
- What Advice Would You Give Me to Find a Spouse?
- Is There Any Specific Supplication I Can Read to Find a Spouse?
- Difficulty in Finding a Spouse and Losing Hope
- How Can I Find a Girl for Marriage When My Parents Can’t Help?
- How to Get Rid of Suicidal Thoughts and Depression?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
