Should I Encourage My Girlfriend to Convert So We Can Marry or Cut Her Off?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am currently in a haram relationship, and I want to make amends and ask for forgiveness and solve this, but I’m currently doing dawah to the girl, and I do not know what is the right thing to do. Do I continue doing dawah in a halal manner and wait for marriage or cut off contact?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to make your relationship halal and for wanting to give her guidance, which will benefit her eternally.
Relationship
It was narrated from Ibn Abbas that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.” [Ibn Majah]
The first thing to do is to cut off the relationship. Tell her that you have repented and that the only outcome of this relationship is marriage. I commend you for wanting her to convert, as I’m assuming she is not Christian or Jewish. This will show her that you take your religion seriously, and it will show you how serious she is about you, too.
You can send her books about Islam, and videos, and give her a copy of the Quran, but you should not be alone with her, chat with her, or go out on dates with her. Of course, no touching. Explain to her that there must be distance between you, as you two are no longer dating. If she wants to be with you, there is only one way, so ask her to research Islam and decide whether she wants to marry you.
Turn to Allah
I encourage you to strengthen your relationship with Allah Most High with repentance, prayer on time, dua, increasing your knowledge, and patience. Read the Quran daily, avoid consuming haram or doubtful food, avoid usury, and protect your eyes from the impermissible. Supplication at tahajjud time and ask Allah to guide you to what is right if she is the best girl for your affairs in this world and the next.
If it doesn’t work out, remember this important hadith: Abu Qatada (Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Most High but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” [Ahmad]
Please see these links as well:
- Should I Marry My Boyfriend or Break Off the Relationship?
- How Long Is It Permissible To Date a Person Before the Nikah?
- Can I Marry a Woman Who Wants to Convert to Islam Because She Loves Me?
- New to Islam Reader: A Trusted Collection of Resources for Converts
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
