Is It Right to Marry Someone to Save Her from Abusive Parents?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I know someone who is being abused by her parents. We live in a Muslim country; there are no relatives or shelters she can turn to. She’s a good religious girl but suffers from depression and anxiety due to the abuse. She has a chronic health condition but can have children safely with preventive medicine during pregnancy.
My parents don’t want me to marry her because she’s not beautiful, but they will approve begrudgingly if I persuade them. I want to marry her to save her from this oppression; I don’t know any other way.
Please advise if I am making the right decision or being foolish. If it’s the right decision, please share the rewards of doing so.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your sincere intention and for putting the pleasure of Allah and the welfare of another above your own desires; this is a tremendous deed.
Removing Difficulty
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever relieves a Muslim of a burden from the burdens of the world, Allah will relieve him of a burden from the burdens on the Day of Judgement. And whoever helps ease a difficulty in the world, Allah will grant him ease from a difficulty in the world and in the Hereafter. And whoever covers (the faults of) a Muslim, Allah will cover (his faults) for him in the world and the Hereafter. And Allah is engaged in helping the worshipper as long as the worshipper is engaged in helping his brother.” [Tirmidhi]
According to the above hadith, your intention to help this girl can serve you for all eternity. Additionally, Allah has a way of compensating in areas that might be lacking based on the strong foundation upon which the marriage is built.
Right Steps
That said, one should still take the correct means to select a spouse, such as praying istikhara, ensuring that she is, in fact, religious, and looking at her prior to proposing. Having parental consent will seal this deal with blessings and ease by the grace of God.
Apply the Prophet’s advice (Allah bless him and give him peace), which applies to both genders: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, or your hands will be covered in dust!” [Bukhari & Muslim]
From Jabir ibn `Abdallah: “The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: ‘If one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at her to see that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.’ I proposed marriage to a young woman, and I used to hide where I could see her until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.’” According to another report, he said, ‘a young woman of Bani Salama. I used to hide from her until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.’” [Abu Dawud]
Prepare
I encourage you to review your personally obligatory knowledge, take a course on marital rights and obligations, hone your skill sets, and guard your prayers. Reflect and read about the pious who came before us. Read Quran daily with the meaning, learn some Arabic, and surround yourself with pious people. Reflect on this matter so that you are certain and don’t regret this decision later on or come to resent her. Seek guidance and aid through supplication.
Allah Most High said, “And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He ˹alone˺ is sufficient for them. Certainly, Allah achieves His Will. Allah has already set a destiny for everything.” [Quran, 65:3]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
