How Should I Handle Frequent Arguments with My Wife?
Answered by Shaykh Anas al-Musa
Question
My wife argues with me often, to the point where I get angry and lose my temper. What should I do?
Answer
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of all worlds. Peace and blessings be upon the Messenger sent as a mercy to the worlds, our Master and Prophet, Muhammad, and his Family and Companions.
First of all, it is entirely normal for disagreements to occur between spouses; each partner has their own perspective and upbringing, shaped by their unique family and environment. However, it is crucial to handle these disagreements with wisdom to prevent them from escalating to a point where they cause serious harm.
Here are some guidelines that may help you:
Acknowledge Human Imperfection
It’s important to remember that your wife is not an angel who is immune to mistakes; she is human, and like all humans, she has her flaws and limitations. Allah (Most High) says,
“Humankind was created weak.” [Quran, 4:28]
And,
“Indeed, humankind was created impatient: distressed when touched with evil, and withholding when touched with good.” [Quran, 70:19-21]
Reflecting on her humanity and on your own may help you be more accepting of her imperfections and reduce the intensity of your anger during conflicts.
Remember the Hadith of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace)
In times of disagreement, keep in mind the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), who said,
“Treat women kindly, for a woman was created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its uppermost. If you try to straighten it, you will break it; if you leave it, it will remain crooked. So treat women kindly.” [Bukhari]
Reflecting on this hadith and its meaning can encourage you to remain calm and control your temper when arguments arise.
Step Away if Things Escalate
If you sense that an argument is getting too intense, consider leaving the room or even stepping out of the house until your anger subsides. This can help prevent the situation from worsening.
And Allah knows best.
May Allah bless the Prophet Muhammad and give him peace, and his Family and Companions.
[Shaykh] Anas al-Musa
Shaykh Anas al-Musa, born in Hama, Syria, in 1974, is an erudite scholar of notable repute. He graduated from the Engineering Institute in Damascus, where he specialized in General Construction, and Al-Azhar University, Faculty of Usul al-Din, where he specialized in Hadith.
He studied under prominent scholars in Damascus, including Shaykh Abdul Rahman al-Shaghouri and Shaykh Adib al-Kallas, among others. Shaykh Anas has memorized the Quran and is proficient in the ten Mutawatir recitations, having studied under Shaykh Bakri al-Tarabishi and Shaykh Mowfaq ‘Ayun. He also graduated from the Iraqi Hadith School.
He has taught numerous Islamic subjects at Shari‘a institutes in Syria and Turkey. Shaykh Anas has served as an Imam and preacher for over 15 years and is a teacher of the Quran in its various readings and narrations.
Currently, he works as a teacher at SeekersGuidance and is responsible for academic guidance there. He has completed his Master’s degree in Hadith and is now pursuing his Ph.D. in the same field. Shaykh Anas al-Musa is married and resides in Istanbul.
