How Should I Deal with Relatives Who Take Advantage of Me?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

There are relatives for whom I have carved out time and effort to help them with something important in their lives, even when I’m busy. Sometimes, I would spend hours helping them with a task that they were eventually rewarded for. I tried to do it for the sake of Allah Most High.

I noticed these same relatives are not so quick to help me, and at the very least, they barely give me the time of day or visit me unless they want something.

Lately, I’ve been feeling taken advantage of because of these trends. Is it wrong to feel like this? Should I still help them when they ask for it for the sake of Allah?

Answer

May Allah reward you for your absolute selflessness, and may He continue to help you perfect your character.

Limits

You will be tremendously rewarded for your selfless service and aid on the Day of Judgment, and you will not find that any of it is lost on Allah Most High by His grace.

That being said, it is important that you set a limit with your relatives that doesn’t cause you harm. This way, you will feel more balanced in what you did and not have regrets after. It is the job of the Devil to make you regret your good deeds and prevent you from repeating them.

Compensation

It is human nature to want compensation (like visits) from relatives, friends, and family, but the reality is that most expectations like this are not fulfilled. The best thing you can do is drop expectations and give them time to learn common decency.

Some of them will take decades to learn, and some never will. Rather, surround yourself with pious, righteous friends who are like-minded and always motivate you to do good. Spend time with those who have exemplary character and strive for that.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Maja]

And he said, “The best among you are the best in character.” [Bukhari]

Please see these links as well:
How Do I Deal With Hateful Family Members Who Take Advantage of My Kindness?
How Do I Deal With Parents Who Take Advantage of Me?
How Can I Avoid Anxiety and Being Taken Advantage of Due to Being Too Nice and Always Wanting to Please Others
How Do I Deal With Others’ Betrayal of Me?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.