How Do I Stop Thinking About a Man Who Is Communicating with Me Online?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Will Allah Most High not forgive me for my thoughts about being with a man who is four years older than me? Is it seen as sinful? How do I stop myself? He’s a nice guy who knows his religion well, and so do I, but he has a rather disturbing mind, as he has sent me sinful pictures and videos, but I don’t mind because Allah always forgives.
I’ve never met him, but I’ve seen his face and heard his voice, and he’s seen mine too. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, I don’t know much about this. Can you advise?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I don’t quite understand who this man is to you, but I urge you to cut off communication with him if he is sending inappropriate content to you online.
Spouse
Make this your standard for choosing a spouse, and this applies to both genders: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, or her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim]
You should choose a man based on the way he is now, and how he approaches you now. If he is not being appropriate and sends you content that he should not be sending you, you should look for someone better. A dignified, religious young man will involve your parents from the outset and treat you with respect during the process.
Prepare for Marriage
During this time, you should prepare yourself for marriage by taking a course on marriage with us. You should also review your personally obligatory knowledge and make du`a for guidance in marriage. Build your relationship with Allah during your free time and surround yourself with beneficial, religious people that will be a better network for you in sha Allah. I encourage you to stop thinking about him, and when the thoughts arise, make dhikr. It is potentially sinful to give your thoughts free rein. Distract yourself with all that is good, and soon, he will be a passing thought, in sha Allah.
Please see these links as well:
- Important Traits to Look for in a Prospective Spouse
- What Is the Appropriate Way to Seek and Choose the Right Partner for Marriage
- Am I Sinful for Getting Lost in Sexual Thoughts?
- How Do I Dispel Sinful Thoughts?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
