How Do I Stop a Haram Relationship While Ensuring He Doesn’t Self-Harm?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am in a haram relationship with a boy struggling with severe mental illness, and we have fallen into zina. I want to end the relationship and seek forgiveness, but he says he will harm himself if I leave.
How can I stop this relationship, make things halal, and gain Allah’s blessings while ensuring his well-being?
Answer
Thank you for your question. It is not permissible to stay with him as it is direct disobedience to your Lord. And you are worsening his mental health and enabling him to manipulate and emotionally abuse you.
Impermissible
Break up with him as soon as possible for the sake of Allah Most High, cut him off totally, and don’t fear any repercussions at all. You are not responsible for his actions; only he is responsible for his well-being. Why would you risk your eternal life to please a human in this temporal life?
I believe he is bluffing to keep you close to him anyway. He is a classic abuser who doesn’t fear God. The best way for him to solve his mental health issues is to seek therapy with a professional. I pray that he does, and you can’t force him to do it; hence, you cannot ensure his well-being.
There are no blessings in this relationship at all, there are only blessings in repentance, regretting the sin, and ceasing it immediately.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Most High but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” [Ahmad]
Repent
Your Lord is ready to forgive you if you repent sincerely because He has told us in the Quran,
“Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quran, 39:53]
You must put your Lord, your Prophet, your religion, your parents (and your future husband) first and repent for this sin. Pray that Allah Most High sends you a God-fearing husband who treats you well and doesn’t thrive on threatening you. Intend never to approach another man except with the intention of marriage.
Dua
Please say this prophetic dua daily:
اللّهُـمَّ اكْفِـني بِحَلالِـكَ عَنْ حَـرامِـك وَأَغْنِـني بِفَضْـلِكَ عَمَّـنْ سِـواك
O Allah, suffice me with what You have allowed instead of what You have forbidden, and make me independent of all others besides You. [Tirmidhi]
Please see more details here:
- When Your Partner Threatens Suicide
- Will I Be Sinful If I Break Up with My Boyfriend, Who I Swore Not to Leave?
- Confused After Breaking-up With My Boyfriend
- Should I Marry My Boyfriend, or Break Off the Relationship?
- I Feel So Guilty About Having a Girlfriend. How Can I Get Through This?
- How Do I Get Rid of My Boyfriend Who Is Blackmailing Me To Stay With Him?
- How to Deal with a Break-Up in a Haram Relationship?
- How To Come Out of a Haram Relationship?
- Any Advice for Detaching My Heart From Someone?
- How Do I End a Sinful Relationship Without Breaking His Heart?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
