How Can I Go On When My Beloved Was Forced to Marry Someone Else?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
A girl and I want to get married. We met her 18 months ago, and we were serious. Her family, however, was on her case for over a year to marry someone else until she gave in and said yes because of the torment. I am now left distraught, knowing her nikah was done with someone else, which she didn’t want, and I don’t know what to do. I prayed Istikhara numerous times and made duas in sujood, but when her father found out about us, he smashed her phone and forced her to get married to him anyway. What can I do, I am hurting a lot, and I traveled literally across the world to speak to her family alone, but it was too late.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and broken heart and pray that you grow and strengthen your faith from this.
Pain
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: Your love for a thing causes blindness and deafness. [Abu Dawud]
Getting attached to someone before a nikah is a mistake, especially when the parents don’t know that the two are considering marriage. Stories like this often don’t end well. It seems that you were getting to know each other, and the shock of the truth caused her father to get angry and marry her to someone he approved of, as soon as possible. In the future, plan to inform a girl’s father before you get to know her.
Something Better
Umm Salama related: I heard the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) saying, “When a person suffers from a calamity and utters: ‘Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un. Allahumma aajirni fi museebati, wakhluf lee khairan minha’ (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return. O Allah! Compensate me in my affliction, recompense my loss and give me something better in exchange for it), then Allah surely compensates him with reward and better substitute.” Umm Salama (may Allah be pleased with her) said, When Abu Salama (May Allah be pleased with him) died, I repeated the same supplication as the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) had commanded me (to do). So Allah bestowed upon me a better substitute than him (I was married to Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace)). [Tirmidhi]
Please say that dua daily:
”إنّ لِلهِ وإنّا إلَيه راجِعون: اللّهُمَّ آجِرْني في مُصيبَتي، واخْلُفْ لِي خَيْرًا مِنْها.“
You will move past this. You will get over her. Delete her contact and remove her from your life; she belongs to someone else now. You will find someone else that you truly love, someone that will be your better half and help you draw close to Allah and become a man. By the grace of Allah, you will be a father, and you will raise them with your wife, and you will find happiness and satisfaction, as will she. Trust in Allah completely and channel your pain in dua and positive action.
Turn to Allah
There is no better time than now to turn to Allah with sincerity and impoverishment. Strive to fulfill all of your duties to Him first. Pray on time, read Quran daily, and bring more remembrance of Allah into your home. Pray the prayer of Need, supplicate before fajr time, and give charity regularly, asking Allah to remove your pain. Be sure that your income and food are halal. The matter can become very easy once you seek help through Allah and not through yourself. Turn to supportive, loving, and wise friends, family, or local scholars to help you get through this. Put all your trust in Allah and take the time to heal.
Please see these links as well:
How Can I Deal With My Ex-Girlfriend Marrying Someone Else?
How Do I Get Over Feelings for Someone Who Got Engaged to Someone Else?
Marrying Someone Who Wanted To Marry Someone Else
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
