How Can I Convince My Wife to Pray as She Gets Upset When I Bring It Up?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
How can I encourage my wife to establish her prayer without triggering anger or resistance, given that she reacts negatively whenever I bring up the topic?
Answer
Thank you for your question. You can do so with wisdom, patience, and gentleness; in sha Allah, you will find much good change in her.
Model It
Be consistent with your prayers, and let her see your dedication. Try to pray in the mosque, as men should, but when you pray at home, pray where she can see you. Review your knowledge of purification and prayer to ensure that you are praying validly and well. Improve wherever you can. Any change that you wish for your wife must start with you first.
Inspire
Avoid pressuring her because you know she will react negatively, but rather inspire her through the Quran and the Sunna, such as with the following.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“The first thing for which a person will be brought to account on the Day of Resurrection will be his Salah. If it is found to be complete, then it will be recorded as complete, and if anything is lacking, He will say: ‘Look and see if you can find any voluntary prayers with which to complete what he neglected of his obligatory prayers.’ Then the rest of his deeds will be reckoned in like manner.”
Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Whoever prays the two cool prayers (‘Asr and Fajr) will go to Paradise.” [Bukhari]
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“Purity is half of faith, and the praise of Allah fills the scale. Glorification and praise fill up what is between the heavens and the earth. Prayer is a light, charity is proof, and patience is illumination. The Quran is proof for you or against you. All people go out early in the morning and sell themselves, either setting themselves free or ruining themselves.“ [Muslim]
And the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Whoever purifies himself as he has been enjoined and prays as he has been enjoined, his sins will be expiated.” [Ahmad]
And Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“If there was a river at the door of any of you and he took a bath in it five times a day, would you notice any dirt on him?” They (his companions) said, “Not a trace of dirt would be left.” The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) added, “That is the example of the five prayers with which Allah blots out (annuls) evil deeds.” [Bukhari]
Tips
- Play Quran recitations or Islamic lectures at home (without forcing her to listen).
- Show her your enthusiasm for prayer and mention the tranquillity it gives you.
- Share inspiring stories of how the prayer has changed lives
- Bring religious families into your circle so she can learn from them
- Show gratitude when she does anything religious, reinforcing positive behavior.
- Strengthen your emotional connection with her. A loving relationship makes advice easier to accept.
- Compliment her efforts in other aspects of deen.
- If she struggles with waking up for Fajr, gently wake her
- Pray together to strengthen your bond.
- Pinpoint why she doesn’t pray: laziness? lack of motivation? doubts? Address that.
- Have open discussions about Islam in general
- Speak gently because the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness, and He grants reward for it that He does not grant for harshness.” [Ibn Maja]
Dua
Sincerely ask Allah to guide her heart toward salah, I am certain that she will start praying. Please say this supplication daily, especially after the five prayers and at tahajjud time.
And this supplication daily:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً
“Our Lord! Bless us with (pious) spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]
Please see more details here:
- I Suspect That My Wife Does Not Pray. Do I Stay or Leave?
- How Can I Make Things Better With My Wife Who Is Not as Committed as Me in Matters of Religion?
- I Am Passionate About Islam but My Wife Is Not. What Should I Do?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
