How Can I Convince My Husband to Let Me Spend Time with His Son?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My husband has a 4-year-old son from a previous marriage and wants to have him overnight every other weekend. However, he prefers to take him to his sister’s house instead of ours to spare his ex-wife’s feelings. I feel excluded and believe this sets a bad precedent for our marriage.
I have already compromised my financial rights to ease his support for his son. How can I best advise him to maintain fairness and harmony in our relationship?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your feelings because excluding you from his life is a recipe for disaster and shows that your husband is demeaning your role in the family.
Communicate
Express your feelings to your husband openly. Explain to him that involving you in his life is important and that the child should consider his stepmother part of his family. The ex-wife must accept you, and your husband must fight (figuratively) for your involvement, these are boundaries that he must set.
Tell him that bonding with your stepson will strengthen the bond between all of you, in sha’ Allah. Gradually increase the time his son spends at your house or have some visits at his sister’s and some at your home.
Finances
I see that you are resenting the financial compromises that you agreed to. I urge you to make sure that he remains the breadwinner; don’t let him spend less than what is obligatory for him to spend on you; it will only grow your resentment. These are your rights in Islam, nothing more.
Dua
The most important thing you can do is make dua for ease and understanding. If you seek help through your Lord, nothing is impossible.
I urge you to make this supplication daily:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً
“Our Lord! Bless us with ˹pious˺ spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]
Please see more details here:
- What are My Responsibilities Towards My Step-Son?
- How to Deal With the Problem of Misbehaving Step-Children
- What Can I Do About My Poor Relationship With My Stepmother?
- I Want to Marry a Man with a Five-Year-Old Daughter.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
