Can You Help Me Overcome My Suicidal Thoughts and Depression from Being Unmarried?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I need help; I can’t find a Muslim counselor, I’m feeling depressed for many years, and I don’t know what to do right now please help. I want to die, I can’t get rid of this pain. All of my friends are getting married and having babies and this is affecting my condition, I keep thinking that Allah hates me. Allah does not want me to be happy, my relatives are also the cause of my severe depression, I am getting older, and everyone is asking why I am not married since I am getting older. Please help me out of this depression, I attempted suicide before I don’t know how to explain my pain now.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you are experiencing this pain and I urge you to see a doctor, even if non-Muslim, if you are planning to end your life. Do not be alone right now, and stay around your family, friends, or anyone you are comfortable with, until you feel better.

Suicide

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever kills themselves with a sharp object, they will be pointing that sharp object at their stomachs in the fire of Hell for eternity. Whoever consumes poison and thus kills themselves, they will experience that poison in the fire of Hell for eternity. Whoever throws themselves from a precipice, they will continue to fall in the fire of Hell for eternity.” [Muslim]

Self-worth

Dear sister, you don’t need marriage to make you a complete believer, you already have faith, you believe in God and the Messenger of Allah and that makes you valuable, worthy, and loved. Remember that marriage and children do not create happiness in the heart, only Allah does, no matter what your circumstance. The Devil will do everything he can to make you lose hope so that Allah gets angry with you as He is angry with the Devil. Don’t give in to his whisperings! When a negative thought comes to you, say, “A‘udhu biLlahi min ash-Shaytan ar-Rajeem.”

Relatives

Don’t let relatives get the better of you. Anyone that asks you mindless questions is not to be given any attention. They don’t speak out of care, love, or a refined mindset. Try to surround yourself with people who see the bigger picture and who understand destiny is different for everyone. Choose people who are well-mannered, educated, religious, and have good prophetic character. No one else is worth your time.

Dua

Open up your heart to Allah and repent to Him. Repentance gladdens the heart and lifts its burden. Ask Him to protect you and rid you of evil thoughts and evil company. Spend your time in worship, prayer, reading the Quran, and blessing the Prophet (Allahumma salli ‘ala Muhammad). Consign all your problems to Him and never stop waiting for His answer, for the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said this about impatience:  “The supplication of every one of you is granted if he does not grow impatient and say: ‘I supplicated, but it was not granted.’” [Muslim]

Please say the dua in these links and apply the tips in your life:

• What Should I Do If I Cannot Find a Suitable Wife In My Area?
• What Advice Would You Give Me to Find a Spouse?
• Is There Any Specific Supplication I Can Read to Find a Spouse?
• Difficulty in Finding a Spouse and Losing Hope
• How Can I Find a Girl for Marriage When My Parents Can’t Help?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.