Can You Help Me Manage My Homosexual Emotions toward a Colleague?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am a male and have developed strong feelings of infatuation towards a male colleague, despite being married. While I recognize these feelings as infatuation and understand that my colleague is unaware and identifies as straight, it has been weighing heavily on my heart.

To complicate matters, I accidentally stumbled upon some intimate photos of my colleague on his phone while trying to delete a photo I accidentally took of myself. This discovery has only intensified my attraction, adding to the complexity of my emotions. I am seeking your help in navigating this situation and finding a way to move forward.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to do the right thing by Allah Most High and for not seeking the impermissible despite your emotions.

Busy Yourself with Good

Knowing that you cannot act upon your feelings is very difficult, and I commend you for your strength, courage, and patience. I ask that you refrain from sending him photos or from approaching his phone and busy yourself with good distractions. Make the firm intention to keep away from him, discard the thoughts when they come, seek refuge from the devil, and remember God when your mind wants to wander.

Rely on Allah

Find comfort in Allah’s words from the Quran, “And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.” [Quran, 65:2-3]

Say these duas daily:

• “O Allah, I seek refuge in you from grief and sadness, from weakness and laziness, from miserliness and cowardice, from being overcome by debt and overpowered by others.”

  اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ
  Allaahumma ‘innee ‘a’oothu bika minal-hammi walhazani, wal’ajzi walkasali, walbukhli waljubni, wa dhala`id-dayni wa ghalabatir-rijaal.

• “O Allah, it is Your mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye, and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshipped except You.”
  
  اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَا أَنْتَ
  Allahumma raḥmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi ṭarfata `ayn, wa aslih li sha’ni kullahu, la illaha illa ant.
• “O Ever-Living, O Sustainer, in Your Mercy I seek relief.”
  
  يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّوْمُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيْث
  Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum birahmatika astagheeth

Please see these links as well:

• How Can a Muslim Deal With Homosexual Inclinations?
• How Do I Address My Homosexual Feelings?
• Can I Confess to a Same-Sex Crush?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.