Should I Marry Someone from Outside of My Culture?
Question: I am in a difficult situation, and I need help. I am in love with somebody from another culture. We have no problem with it, nor do his parents, but my parents do not accept him because of it. They have a common language, but they refuse to meet him even once because of his culture.
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your difficult situation, and I pray that you can compromise with your parents, after considering all the factors.
Istikhara
First, have you prayed istikhara that this person is right for you? Are you choosing him for his religion? Or are you basing your choice of a spouse solely on love? Make sure that you have a solid basis for choosing this man, and because you are already in love with him, I suggest that you keep your distance from him, physically and digitally, until you have settled the matter with your parents. If your istikhara is positive, then try to pursue this and convince your parents.
Communicate and Compromise
As a girl, you do need your parent’s permission to marry, and I suggest that you be open, honest, and polite with your parents. Explain to them how serious you are and that you will not be able to ignore this man’s proposal until they meet him and have tried their best. Please see this answer as well:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/hanafi-fiqh/are-there-any-legal-leeways-to-get-over-the-refusal-of-a-guardian-regarding-an-interracial-marriage/
Turn to Allah with Your Two Options
Please see these other links for more advice on the matter. Turn to Allah with this problem, pray the Prayer of Need, and exhibit patience and kindness to everyone around you. Use your frustration as a means to draw closer to Him and ask Allah sincerely to make it easy or to help you walk away if need be. Really there are only two options before you and really neither will be easy.
Prepare Yourself
It is very easy to get married but not easy to be a good wife. My advice to all single Muslims, such as yourself, is to take a free course at Seekers on Islamic Marriage so that you can learn your rights and responsibilities and act accordingly. Preparing oneself for marriage is the greatest thing that you can give your spouse and I hope that Allah sends you what is best for you and that you place your trust in Him.
May Allah give you tawfiq, ease, and happiness in your marriage process and give you the best in this world and the next.
Please see this course:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/courses/marriage-in-islam-practical-guidance-for-successful-marriage/
See these links as well:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/what-to-do-when-my-parents-reject-my-choice-of-spouse-because-of-cultural-reasons/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/would-it-be-wrong-to-avoid-interracial-marriages-for-cultural-considerations/
Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
