Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I grew up in a family with frequent disputes, which even concerned our neighbors. Should I consult a scholar about these issues, or should I move on and focus on my life?

Answer

Thank you for your question. Simply by seeing your question, I know that you have unresolved emotions that require healing and I advise you to use the best resources around you to do that.

Discord

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Shall I not inform you of what is more virtuous than the rank of fasting, prayer, and charity?” They said: ‘But of course!’ He said: ‘Making peace between each other. For indeed discord with each other is the shaver (it shaves away one’s religion).’” [Tirmidhi]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The most quickly rewarded of good deeds are kindness and upholding the ties of kinship, and the most quickly punished evil deeds are injustice and severing the ties of kinship.”

Healing

None of us have perfect families and it’s important to open doors of communication and validate each other’s feelings about past issues. Getting rid of lingering feelings of anger, confusion, and sadness will give you great relief and ease your path to focus on your life. I do urge you to speak to a scholar or Muslim therapist about how to move forward. Our religion has many resources on healing as well.

Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “Lo, by the remembrance of Allah do the hearts find tranquillity.” [Quran, 13:28] Keys to healing include dhikr, prayer, reading and reflecting on the Quran daily, and learning about the life of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). Seeking forgiveness and showing gratitude to Allah Most High daily are important and liberating.

Moving Forward

Maintain family ties, don’t accept abuse from anyone, make continuous dua for your family, and pray that Allah allows you to embody the Quran and the behavior of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) during family issues.

Supplicate heartily and intensely; your Lord will lead you out of pain to contentment by His grace. Please recite these duas daily.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ

“O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.” [Bukhari]

اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَا أَنْتَ

“O Allah, I hope for Your mercy. Do not leave me to myself even for a blink of an eye. Correct all of my affairs for me. There is none worthy of worship except You.” [Abu Dawud]

Please see more details here:

• A Traumatic Childhood: Turning to Allah in Difficult Times
• Should I Get Married despite Past Trauma That I Haven’t Healed From?
• Is There a Prayer for Mental Well-Being

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.