How Do I Deal With Parents Who Are Constantly in Debt and Drain My Savings?
Question: I have many times given my parents my savings. They are burdened with debt because of their poor financial decisions and spending habits, and it has taken me years to recover financially. I am now the only one working, barely getting by, and my parents struggle with debt again. I have been trying to talk to them about this problem, and they told me to mind my own business. I have advised and offered them many solutions which they do not want to accept. I can’t afford it, what should I do?
Thank you for your question. Your parents are so fortunate to have a child-like you, and I pray that you can help them balance their finances. You have truly done more than your share, ma sha Allah.
Obligation
The obligation to support parents financially only exists when the parents need it and the son can provide it. Helping your parents is one of the most praiseworthy things that you can do. If they are poor, they will be counted as one of your dependents. Please see the details here:
https://islamqa.org/hanafi/daruliftaa/7933
Balance
The best thing you can do to ensure that you don’t resent them and that your parents understand how much suffering they are causing you is to give them a fixed sum every month. This sum should not cause undue hardship to you, and they should adjust their spending within that sum. If you are currently giving too much, then give less. Discuss it with them and explain your limits. They will understand as long as you are polite, respectful and don’t get angry. Hopefully, in the future, you will make a budget for them and guide them to better decisions.
Blessings in your wealth
Please read this article in the link about bringing blessings into your wealth. Sheikh Anik Misra describes this as follows. “Having more barakah in one’s wealth does not mean the dollar amount increases- rather, that the benefits seen from that limited amount increase, reach further and last longer.“
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/bringing-barakah-into-your-wealth-and-life/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/interest-parents-upholding-good-character/
Ask Allah
Ask Allah, Most High, to guide you and your parents in financial affairs and ask Him to facilitate these matters for you. Ask Him to let this be a means for you to draw closer to Him and pray the Prayer of Need when you feel stressed out about this. Make a good character and gentleness your only method to deal with them, and I pray that even greater good comes out of this for you from whence you never expected.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
