How Do I Deal with Emotional Abuse from My Mother?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I have an emotionally unsupportive mother. She does not even listen to me. She had abused me emotionally to the point that I cry all day. I feel frustrated when she is around me. She always proves me wrong if I say something. If I ask her to support me or speak on my behalf, she just ignores me. She does not even pay attention to what I say.

I am mentally drained. Please help me out.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your sadness and frustration at your mother’s treatment of you, but I encourage you to look to the Creator and His book for solace and comfort.

Abuse

It seems that the lines of communication are not good between you and your mother, and I encourage you to have patience. Take the first step, by thinking before you speak, not responding with anger, and perhaps even speaking less. Lower your expectation of her, don’t expect her to defend you, and be confident in speaking up for yourself. If she argues with you over everything you say, don’t engage in unnecessary conversation or confrontation. It won’t help. By the grace of Allah, it will get better with time and with good character on your part.

Solace

Allah tells us, in His book, “(…) Verily in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find tranquility.” [Quran, 13:28].

I encourage you to look for peace by turning to the Eternal One, who never disappoints, who showers you with mercy at all times. When you are stressed out, pray the Prayer of Need, read His book with the meaning, and gain knowledge about this religion. Seek out good friendships with pious people, who bring out the best in you, and who support you. Busy yourself with good, read about the pious, volunteer for a charity, and look for depth and meaning outside of your home and within yourself.

Please see these links for useful tips:
My Mother Emotionally Abuses Us and Her Husband
Dealing With Emotional Abuse from Parents
How Should I Handle Abusive Parents?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.