How Do I Deal With a Husband Who Cuts Off My Family?
Question:
How do I deal with a husband who breaks family ties on the basis that he is correct and is fighting for justice?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I wholeheartedly agree with you that a man should not cut off his family over an inheritance. This is exactly what the Devil wants, and one should be wise enough to see that the damage is not worth it.
Inheritance
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Whoever tries to avoid giving the inheritance to his heirs, Allah will deprive him of his inheritance in Paradise on the Day of Resurrection.” [Ibn Majah]
It truly is sinful that one should be unfair in matters of inheritance, and you should refer your mother to a scholar or local imam that can inform her and inspire her with some taqwa (God-fearingness) regarding it.
Cutting Ties of Kinship
While it is sinful for your mother to do this, it is equally sinful for your husband to cut her off out of anger for more than three days. This method will never achieve the results that he is looking for. I encourage you to never cut your mother off, for any reason, even if he asks you to. Inform him that it is unlawful and that Islam discourages this.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “The one who maintains ties of kinship is not the one who reciprocates. The one who maintains ties of kinship is the one who, when his relatives cut him off, maintains ties of kinship.” [Albani]
Wisdom
Deal with your husband gently, and do not get angry. Explain to him, when he is calm, that you can figure things out by gradually talking to them and that cutting them off will get you nowhere. Do not talk too long, most men respond to short and simple statements or even indirect comments. You know your husband best, so communicate accordingly. The skill of convincing someone of what is right is a great skill, and I feel that by listening, using wisdom, positivity, and tact, you can convince both your mother and husband of the right thing to do. Make a good intention, ask Allah to help guide you, and do not rush it. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
The Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “O people, spread peace, feed the hungry, and pray at night when people are sleeping, and you will enter Paradise in peace.” [Tirmidhi]
Given the considerations in such cases, please consult reliable local scholars about the specifics of the situation. Jazakum Allah khayr.
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
