How Can I Take Care Of My Parents?
Question: I am living with my husband away from my home country where my parents live. My father is ill, and my mother takes care of him. I am always stressed out in leaving them alone. Whom should I stay with, my parents or my husband? I am not able to support them financially unless my husband gives them money once in a while. I make dua for them but still feel like I am sinning.
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your feelings and I understand the pain of leaving your parents alone when they are unwell and alone. I pray that you can contribute to finding a solution even if you cannot help yourself.
Living With Parents or Husband
There is no question that you should live with your husband. He has rights over you, you have rights over him, and you belong under the same roof. The rank of a husband is as great or greater than that of a parent because not only does the Shari’a oblige obeying him, but also society and families meet their demise when women are not supporting and respecting their husbands. See this link:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/is-it-sinful-to-disobey-to-my-husband/
Financial Support Of the Parents
A woman is obliged to financially support her parents if she earns, has her own money, and is able to earn. If you feel that your parents need your financial help, talk to your husband about you working part-time or him contributing regularly to your parents. Please see the details here in this article:
https://islamqa.org/hanafi/daruliftaa/7933
In the meantime, you should do what you can for your parents from afar. Call them regularly as you are already praying for them. Ask some of your friends or relatives who live near your parents to go over and check on them or cook for them. When you do go and visit, try to cook food and freeze it for them and clean the house. Most importantly, ask Allah to help you help them and He will send you a solution, by His grace. May Allah reward you for being concerned about your goodness to them and may He send you a child that will also care for you. Please see these links:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/articles/beneficial-knowledge/goodness-parents-reader/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/should-i-listen-to-my-husband-or-my-mother/
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approve By Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
