How Can I Maintain My Distance from My Family without Being Sinful? – Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

How do I maintain ties with family members who backbite, believe in superstitions, do black magic, lie all the time, and create drama? Can I call them only during Eids, block them via social media, and keep my distance? Basically, I want to maintain my peace without being sinful.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah help you heal from this abuse and may He reward you for your sincerity and thoughtfulness in helping them.

Abuse

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” [Ibn Maja] I recommend that you minimize contact with them to protect yourself from their sinful behaviour instead of cutting them off completely. Start with sending a message on the two Eids and in Ramadan. You can call them once in a while if they are sick or if there is a death in the family. Time will help heal the damage, and I pray that you can reach the point with them where you return to a normal relationship. 

Plan to Forgive

I recommend, as I was taught, to hate their actions and not them, and intend to reconcile when you sense they have changed. Eventually, plan to forgive them as this is a high trait of noble character. We hope that if we forgive others, Allah will forgive us. Make dua for them, so that Allah, by his grace, changes them and so that your heart softens toward them. 

Make this hadith your life’s aim: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Nothing is placed on the Scale that is heavier than good character. Indeed the person with good character will have attained the rank of the person of fasting and prayer.” [Tirmidhi]

He also said, “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Maja]

Please see these links for more details on cutting ties of kinship:

What is the Minimum Amount of Relationship I Have to Keep with a Relative I Hate?

How Do We Maintain Family Ties With Bloodthirsty Relatives?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad 
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.