How Can I Get My Husband To Stop Leaving the Room When We Have an Argument?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My husband always distances himself if I offend him, despite my pleadings or apologies.

It has become a common habit for him to go to another place if we have an argument in the house. This last time he threatened to go out of the house if I didn’t leave him alone (when I was pleading to him).

Please, how can I fix this?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration in that you can’t communicate with someone who keeps leaving the room. May Allah help you both find peace and compromise.

Leaving the Room

I am not sure why he is doing this. Are you flying off the handle? Are you insulting or abusing him during a fight? Is he leaving to protect himself? Or perhaps he fears saying something that he doesn’t mean? Leaving an argument can make your spouse feel abandoned and not heard, and I understand your pain. Meanwhile, I suggest that you stop chasing him, and give him the time he needs. Let him cool off and think things over before he comes back to you. Apologies can take time to sink in, and you can’t rush their effects.

See this link as well:
Storming Out of Fights: Here’s Why You Need to Stop

Don’t Beg

My recommendation to you is to have a conversation with him when he is calm. Tell him that you should work together as a married couple to arrive at being able to disagree without getting overly emotional and reactive. Educate yourselves on conflict resolution, and take courses here on Islamic Marriage. Don’t settle for sub-optimal methods of dealing with conflict, and make the intention to grow and mature as a strong and happy couple. Also, when you apologize, apologize once, and don’t grovel about it. It is unnecessary, annoying, and undignified.