How Can I Get My Husband To Be More Involved With the Children?

Question: 

How can l get my husband more involved as a father?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. Having an involved father is crucial for a child’s development, self-esteem, stability, and security, although some, to this day, still do not realize it.

In Front of the Kids

The first thing is first. Do not ask him to be involved with the children in front of them. He may refuse, which will break their hearts, and you should not end up fighting in front of them. It is very important not to fight in front of kids, and many people do not understand this. Take the right first step, and make sure this does not happen. If he starts an argument in front of them, do not respond, and save it for later.

Choose His Way

Most fathers want to help and would love to, but you have to figure out his forte. I know several men would not be comfortable revising Qur’an with their children. (For this I always recommend an official Qur’an teacher-paid if necessary)  Instead of giving him ideas, ask him to take the children out for an hour, so you can have a break, and let him do whatever he wants with them. Give him the freedom to choose and make sure to appreciate what he does. Gradually, he will increase and vary the activities with them.

Age

You may not realize this now, but fathers gradually spend more time with their children when they get older. When they are born, you may despair that your husband will never do anything, but when they are teenagers, especially if they are boys, you will notice that his role has become bigger than yours, Then, you are just the cook. Balance is always the key with parenting and both should support and help each other all the way through.

Please see these excellent tips to get you started and an excellent article and video below as well:

https://www.exchangefamilycenter.org/exchange-family-center-blog/2018/6/21/10-ways-to-be-a-better-dad-get-involved-to-raise-happier-healthier-kids
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/articles/general-artices/shepherding-our-sons-daughters/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/articles/general-artices/where-are-the-fathers/

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and make your children the coolness of your eyes.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.