Am I Wrong For Moving Out?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
After my marriage, my sisters influenced my mother and they behaved badly with me and my wife and didn’t even care about my daughter. My mother always took the side of her daughter.
After arguing for a few months, I realized that we cannot live together in one home, so I moved my family out. But my mother said that if you move out, we will cut you off forever. Since then they have not contacted me and slander me in front of all my relatives. So who will be guilty as per Islam?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain. Your own blood is not speaking to you and has caused you pain and problems. May Allah rectify your relationship with them so you can all get along in peace.
Know that, from the details you have given me, you are not at fault. You have given your wife her right to separate living space and you have chosen to live in peace instead of living a life of arguing and fighting. I see this as very praiseworthy and wise. Please see this link for more information on this subject:
How to Maintain Ties of Kinship Despite Hateful Siblings?
Can We Break Family Ties With Siblings Who Treat Us Badly?
How Should I Behave in the Face of My Parents’ Abuse toward Me?
It is not permissible for a mother to cut off her son forever, it is not even permissible to cut any tie of kinship for more than three days. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Kinship (rahim) is derived from the All-Merciful (Rahman). When someone maintains the connections of ties of kinship, they maintain the connection with Him. If someone cuts them off, they cut Him off. It (kinship) will have an unfettered, eloquent tongue on the Day of Rising.“
Remember that you can’t control anyone’s actions, but you can control your own. Be kind to your mother and sisters, and stay in contact, even if it’s just a short weekly message. Start with your mother only so you can build up gradually.
Now that you are in control of your surroundings, it should be less threatening to interact with them. Perhaps invite them to your house in Ramadan. Know that their bashing you behind your back will have no effect on you and only harms them. Allah is the defender of His servants and as long as you are doing the correct thing, He will be on your side.
If you have done anything that may have hurt your mother and sisters, do repent for it sincerely and commit to improving your relationship with them. Anything that you seek through Allah will be easy and anything that you seek through yourself will be difficult. May Allah give you the best of both worlds
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
