Do I Have to Obey My Mother Who Doesn’t Let Me Cut My Hair?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Mom won’t let me cut my long hair short like I want. She says girls my age should have long hair and she likes it that way. But short hair would help with my dandruff and itchy scalp. I’ve explained this, but she keeps refusing. What can I do?
Answer
Thank you for your question. It is permissible for you to get your hair cut and disobey her, but you should do it in the best way possible and with the utmost respect.
Mother
Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “And We have commanded people to ˹honour˺ their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years. So be grateful to Me and your parents. To Me is the final return.” [Quran, 31:14] Please try to show respect to your mother and be considerate of her feelings during this process by not fighting with her, and showing patience.
Obedience
That being said, obedience to parents is not unconditional, please see those details here:
When May Parents Be Disobeyed, and How?
Obedience to Parents When They Are Being Difficult
To What Extent Should I Obey My Mother?
Is It Sinful to Do Something That One’s Mother Prefers One Not to Do?
I urge you to explain to her politely that you will get the haircut because you feel that you need it and that you would appreciate her patience and understanding. Do things for her to get back in her favour after you get it cut. Make her things to eat and drink that she likes, buy her something small, or give her a foot massage. Let her see that when she gives you the freedom to choose, your character and behaviour improve with her.
Du`a
I ask you to say this du`a daily:
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَالْحَزَنِ، وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ، وَالْجُبْنِ وَالْبُخْلِ، وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ، وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ
Please see these links as well:
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
